It's not always zen

...sometimes it's a fuckity fucking cluster fuck.

This sunny Sunday morning, while sitting in front of my 'happy light' knitting, I started a row and the first stitch felt wrong. I did not stop, but plowed forward: k1, p1, k1, p1...

At the end of the next row I found a gigantic loop of a stitch and remembered that tug I felt; the one I ignored.

FUCK!

Grumbling, wimpering, I un-knitted 2 rows. It was hard, but I persisted. That's what grown-ups do. When an adult fucks up (it happens), they admit it. When they realize what's fucked up, they do what they can to mitigate the damage.

The crumb of insight I gleaned was acknowledging I ignored what I felt. There was a nudge in the mistake I made, which, if I'd inquired, would have saved time, energy and preserved self-esteem.

Don't ignore nudges. Whether it's a physical cue, intuitive, emotional, whatever - I need to pause and inquire. I am entitled to ask questions. I don't have to accept every shitty situation that comes along and let it steamroll my intent. I can stop and face whatever-it-is and say, "Hey. What up?"

Meeting myself where I am, taking stock of the factors in play, being present to what is, choosing a path forward: all these adulting things I lost are coming back to me. Un-knitting my mistakes, painful as it may be, is what I aim to do.

Trust in myself gains a foothold and I look up for my next opportunity.