after #MeToo

The triggering of my sexual assault wounds predates 2017 #metoo. My own reconciliation has been rolling out since 2015, and I'm still recognizing sexual experiences for the assaults they were. The avalanche of sexual assault accusations after the 2017 use of the hashtag #metoo should come as no surprise to anyone, especially since the election of our Sexual Predator-in-Chief. With 45 in office, a man who is a sexual assault perpetrator and denier, my old wounds began to fester.  However, without this aggravation the tsunami of injustices would have remained largely dormant.

The aggravation requires treatment. I am thankful for this opportunity and accept my role in healing myself. I'm learning to trust my body, love my body, to honor and respect her. Rampant cultural misogyny lead to fear/blame of my own feminine being. Now I'm training myself to love not only the injured parts of me, but the part of me that accepted, believed in and reinforced misogynist ideas about all women. That's the deepest wound of all.

Shortly after waking each day, I pick up my knitting and go in to the zone. While I float there in the amniotic fluid of creation, thoughts occur. Some challenge me, others soothe. Be they difficult or not, it is all part of the flow. I am learning not to over-identify with any of it. It's all fleeting, temporary.

Today's washcloth progress

Scarf for John. Notice the improvement since I started? 

He will be wearing a functional testimony of my progress

Forgiveness is transformative. Compassion is beautiful. Women are sacred.