Contractions

I'm still here - making progress in fits-and-starts - regressing - moving forward. That is the pattern of birth, isn't it? Sometimes blissful, others jarringly painful, my movement toward authenticity continues. I don't want to go back, that is certain. It's the uncharted way forward that freaks me out some days. But I have regained trust - in myself, in what I know, in who I want to be - which is all I hoped for.

[ Pip next to my latest completed projects ]

I'm still knitting, though with less fervor and at a calmer pace as-of-late. I've tried to cast-on a new project twice now, and both times it looked wrong. I swear I was casting on the same as every other damn time I knit a fucking washcloth, but both attempts failed and I had to pull it apart and pause before starting over. Rather than berate myself for my failure, I'm pausing to witness my goings-on. What is the barrier I'm facing?

I trust I'll figure it out and find the way forward.