I've spent a lot of time putting on a show. I was a fear-full child, but learned to cope by throwing myself into uncomfortable situations and, along the way, found I could survive what I feared by over-riding my gut instincts. Wow! Such success. By the time I was in my 50s I'd established a pattern grounded in going
way outside my comfort zone. Granted, that comfort zone was small and needed expansion -but- there was a fundamental flaw to this scenario: I left a part of myself behind - where it was trampled, stomped on and flattened by a vast herd of toxic masculinity, misogyny, self-loathing and shame. All the vulnerability and innocence I
thought was lost, however, was just waiting for me to rediscover it - to honor, nurture and coax it back to life.
After the 2017 holidays and start of the New Year, I found I needed to pull my energy back in. Thinking about my Toltec awakening and what I learned, I've come to a place where my energetic being
needs my presence and care. The established pattern of thrusting myself into discomfort no longer serves the evolution of my consciousness. I'm finding boundaries I didn't know existed and am playing with the awareness, sometimes over-reacting, but thankful I've found my edges, my center. I'm still finding what's in-between. Perhaps that's for me to create?
New Year, new yarn, new project for me: a shawl
Balancing the need to continue taking risks with the need to honor my inner guide will be a challenge. This is where my village will help me. Here's a quote from a poster that was on the wall of my high school guidance counselor. Decades later, these words radiate a truth I recognized long ago when I memorized them:
Because we cannot see all of ourselves, by ourselves, therefore we need one another if we are to get in touch with all that is in any one of us. - author unknown
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Thank you for being a part of my village!
